The Big Talk

Upon finding the Kohl's women's underwear ad in my son's room, I decided it was officially his father's turn to take over with the whole puberty thing. Although the kids and I have had a fairly open dialogue so far, when my son came to me to ask what a condom was...and a douchebag...I realized that perhaps this should really be the father's territory at this point. I mean...would my daughter feel comfortable talking to my husband about tampons and bras? I tell my husband "it's time."

We thought we had a little while yet with the Twilight series. The waiting list at the school library for the fourth book, the infamous "sex" book, was long. I have been trying to read late at night to see if I can get through it before they do. No such luck. My sly, somewhat manipulative, and hormonally-charged son has found a way to get to it before his sister, and half the school, has. He convinced some student to let him borrow a copy. Now I must come to a decision. We had already made a decision...but...was it really the right decision? Lost for something to say, I inform him that he needs to wait...that his father is going to have a discussion with him, first.

He acts innocent. I sigh, and explain that I know why he's anxious to get through that book. His eyes widen in child-like innocence.

"I read quickly through any book series that I'm into."

I told him that I knew about the ad. That I also knew that he had informed his sister about the contents of the fourth book. I reminded him that I, too, was once 13, and knew what it was like in middle school. He looked at the floor and sighed. I told him I wasn't banning the book...I knew he would find a way to read it, anyway...but I would like him to wait until after his father spoke with him. He nodded. I explained that I was not offended...that it was perfectly normal to be curious, but that this was a difficult topic because we, his parents, do not really condone having our children read about sex. So we didn't want to just ignore it. He nodded again. I suddenly realize that I unwittingly just delivered half of "the talk" myself. I remind Bruce, again, that "it's time."

Last night I stole a moment to go lay in the bedroom and try to read. Jay enters the room and sits on the corner of the bed. He looks at me sheepishly.

"Well, he did it. Dad had the talk with me."

I set down the book and raised my eyebrow.

"It was kind of funny, actually. I asked him if he would. I think I surprised him. I told him we could do it later if he wanted, and he said, 'no, that's ok.' I think his face turned a little pink...and he couldn't look me in the eye."

He stopped and smirked.

"Well...what did he say?" I ask more out of my own curiousity than anything else.

"Oh...it was mostly about the morals of it...you know, that the characters were married before they had sex...and they were over 18. He said I should be married and over 18 before I have sex, too." He shrugged and laughed at me. I tried to keep a straight face.

"So...can I read the book now?"

I pause...and nod. I suppose it was the best I could hope for. I have a feeling that my husband was more embarrassed than our son about the whole thing.

Unfortunately, I also have a feeling that I will have to still be the one to answer any future questions about vampire sex. I guess I'd better try to finish the book quickly.