Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I don't care about fair...I care about quiet!

My stepfather never cared about justice. It did not matter that my sister just scratched her own arm to produce hives, claiming that I beat her. It did not matter that my brother was mimicing my every word.

"It's not fair!"

These words were spoken all too often in my home growing up, as my stepfather reached the point where his face turned bright red, and he experienced a momentary loss of memory as he resorted to "Girl! Boy! Shut up!"

He didn't bother to try and guess our names, as my mother did. She would go through every name in the house, sometimes including the pets, until she got the right one. However, though she did not remember my name...she always tried to hear what the story was...who started the whole thing. Not my stepfather. I thought he was cruelest parent in the world. My siblings got away with everything.

I finally understand that feeling, though. And I have actually found myself uttering that infamous phrase: "I don't care about fair...I care about quiet!"

I was completely unfair, I'm sure, last night. I envoked the worst punishment possible for a preteen. I told them both that they were not allowed to watch "American Idol" that night. I don't know who started it. And...I didn't care. All I knew was that they had been warned. And the next thing I knew...Marissa had kicked the chair into Jaylond. Probably with good reason. Jay spazzed out on her. A fight ensued. And I really did not care to hear the stories about who started what and why. I wanted silence. After this many kids, and so many fights...I have realized that each child has their own version of a story. And each child can be manipulative in their own way. A parent comes down to two choices: let them work it out themselves (which could have messy results or drive you insane,) or end it yourself, regardless of what would be deemed as "fair." I usually choose the latter. Hopefully one day they will have children of their own...and then they, too, will understand.

Man...I picked the right punishment, though. The children were solemn for the rest of the evening. I'm filing that one away for future use...


  1. This is how I end the arguments here LOL when my girls fight I ignore them and let them work it out until I can't stand them anymore... then they are both in trouble. Makes me feel better, my side won!

  2. LOL...I knew you'd understand, Charity.

  3. Are you kidding me? I've used that NUMEROUS times with my boys, and they're only 3 and 2! They're not old enough yet (thankfully) to say it's not fair...