Stretch-Strollers, Room Mist, and Hannah Montana

I am often suffer from illusion that fewer kids make for an easier shopping experience. When dealing with five children on a normal basis, the thought of going out with only two seems like...a luxury. A piece of cake. It's what normal people do. I underestimate the issues that still arise when the two children in question are still babies.

My sister-in-law offered to take the older three children swimming. My toddler was ready two and half hours before they were supposed to go...donning her swimsuit, lifejacket, and carrying around towels. It was a challenge to get her to eat breakfast. Finally, the time came, and off they went....leaving me....free. Sort of.

I decide to get out of the house, and head to the dollar store, followed by the mall. My mother accompanied me and the boys. I was feeling pretty good....stroller, check. Diaper bag, check. Bottles....juice...snacks, check, check, check. Pacifiers and blanket animals...check and check.

I always forget just how big our stroller is, though. It is the stretch limousine of strollers. It is a double stroller...PLUS an added seat off the back to accomodate the toddler. It is a brilliant design for someone with three little ones....and a real bitch to turn corners. People stared. We almost took out a couple of end caps. Connor lost his binky. Owen dropped his bear. Connor threw his juice.

We ventured on to the mall, and tried to maneuver through Bath and Body Works. I think I rear-ended an old lady. My mom accidentally sprayed room mist on her wrist, and promptly used the tester hand soap to wash it off. Connor tried to sample some antibacterial lotion from a display. We smelled some candles, and left.

It was then that the rest of the kids met up with us, and their aunt went on her way. After getting some icecream (not because the kids deserved it, but I think my mom and I did,) we returned my mom to her house, smelling like Fresh Cotton. I then found out that my husband would be working very late tonight.

So, I decide to try to make my life easier...by taking the kids to another public place. I decide to let them rent movies to watch tonight, so I wouldn't have to deal with arguing. Not wanting to risk taking out a rack of New Releases, I forego taking the stroller in, and carry Owen...while Jay carried Connor. Owen grabbed my keys and began smacking me in the face with them. Irelynn grabbed the new Hannah Montana movie, and started describing the pictures on the back...and telling me that it was NOT Miley Cyrus on the back, it was iCarly. Whatever. The older two commenced arguing about whether to rent Inkheart or Coraline. Finally a decision was made, and we made it to the counter. The lady looked at me like I had three heads. I calmly paid her, and took the "New Moon" candy out of Owen's hand and put it back. Irelynn wanted to carry Hannah Montana. Owen wanted to smack me some more with the keys. Jaylond wanted to know what we were having for dinner.

Dinner. Crap. I pulled through McDonald's.

The older girl wanted to know what they did to deserve all the neat stuff today....ice cream, movies, McDonald's. I told her every once in awhile we get to splurge.

"Oh. I didn't know we could afford all this in today's economy."

We made it home. I bathed the boys with the help of Jaylond...although I had to take over dressing Owen because he kept getting away from him and crawling off naked. We watched Hannah Montana and now I have the damn "Boom-Dee-Clap-Dee-Clap" song stuck in my head. I'm sure Irelynn will want to watch it again tomorrow.

I hope Bruce doesn't work late tomorrow. I think I need to get out...without children. Perhaps to return the Hannah Montana movie...