Time Off

The preteens were arguing. The babies were fussy. The toddler was in the midst of a full-blown, kicking and screaming, tears streaming down, snot plastered to her face tantrum. I calmly moved my wallet and cell phone from the diaper bag to my purse. I smile sweetly at my husband, who is holding a baby.

"Is there anything else you can think of that we need at the store?"

He gives me this look that clearly says, 'you are going to leave me here with these kids...alone...now???!!'

"Nothing I can think of," he responds in a flat tone.

Did I need to go the store at that moment? Were we out of some crucial food items or medication? Nope.

Did I feel guilty as I watched my husband's face start to cloud over as he realized that yes, yes I was going to leave him there with all of the kids. Nope.

You see, I am alone with these children for 10-hours a day. Five days a week. I have endured tantrums that would make your hair curl. I have been peed on, spit up on, pooped on, and colored on. I have cleaned up Play-Doh, Moon Sand, glitter, smashed in Gerber Puffs, oatmeal, and some weird green sticky stuff the older girl "accidentally" hid under her pillow. I have refereed battles that would have made the WWE look like something off the Disney channel. I have tried to simutaneously feed two extremely fussy babies, only to have my toddler walk in with poop smeared on her hands, legs and butt and tell me she had an "accident."

So, do I feel guilty for leaving my husband in charge of the chaos for an hour? Not so much. You would think, however, that when he complains about how horrible it was, and is in desparate need of a beer (or Tylenol) by the time I get home, that he would understand why I am generally in a perpetual state of stress. Or why the house isn't always perfect.

Well, I suppose he has learned somewhat. Everyday he used to come home and begin with:

"What's for dinner?"

Followed shortly by:

"What's wrong?"

He has since changed his phrasing a bit. It is now:

"Do you have any thoughts on dinner?"

Followed by:

"How was your day?"

I wonder what would happen if I ever took a whole day off?

"Would you like me to pick up Chinese and a bottle of wine on my way home? After dinner, why don't you take a bubble bath, and I'll get the kids ready for bed."

BWAHA HA HA HA HA.

(wiping tears away from face)

It's a nice dream, though, isn't it?