Potty Training, Twin-Style

After three kids, I have taken a relaxed approach to potty-training.  The one thing I have learned, after timers, sticker charts, and candy incentives is that it will happen when it happens.  I have also learned that as frustrating as it may seem at times...none of my children have entered elementary school still wearing Pampers. 

Despite my easy-going approach, nothing induces stress more than the combination of a boy who is aware of his elimination process combined with the skills to undress himself...and the lack of interest when it comes to going in the potty.  Except perhaps TWO boys who fit this description.  I should clarify:  both have an interest in the potty:  sitting on it...slamming the lid down...splashing in their sister's pee...letting rubber duckies float in the potty...but neither one has actually put anything in there that belongs in there. 

They have different approaches to letting me know when it's time for a change.  Connor will look startled, grab his bottom, and say, "butt butt!"  He will then promptly begin to remove his pants and Pull-Up, which, if not caught in time, will leave streaks of poo on his leg...and the carpet. 

Owen is sneaky.  He will tell me, several times a day, that he has to go potty.

"Mom...potty." 

"Owen, do you have to go potty?"

"Um...potty."

"What do you need to do in the potty?"
"Um...poo poo.  Um...pee pee....potty." 

((sigh))

I take him to the potty, he strips, sits for two seconds, grins, and tells me, "teeth?"  He then scampers on top of the big potty and grabs his toothbrush.  Everyday it is a ploy to try and get into the bathroom and suck toothpaste off of his toothbrush.  Later, he will inevitably poop in his Pull-Up, and simply say, "uh oh...poo poo."

Yesterday I put the boys down for their nap.  Within two minutes I hear Owen calling out to me, "POTTY!  POTTY!"

I ignore it.  I know he just wants to play...I am exhausted...I want them to sleep.

"MOM MOM MOM....PAH-TEEEEEEE!!!!"

I sigh, and go in to check on him.  I walk in to find Owen standing in his bed...naked.  His Pull-Up had been removed, and thrown onto the floor....and there is a pile...then a line of poop...streaking down his sheet.  I conjured up an image of my toddler scooting on his butt, like a dog, across his bed. 

"Mom.  Poo-poo."

Thanks for telling me, Buddy.

I suppose it could be worse.  He could have used it to decorate the walls.

I'm thinking that's what might be coming next.

Monsters

We have had an infestation.  And I'm not really sure how to get rid of the little buggers.  They mysteriously arrived when a friend spent the night, and introduced them to our daughter.  We had been monster-free until that moment.

Every night now bedtime becomes a daunting ritual of searching the room for possible monsters.  They might be under the bed.  They might come through her window. 

"What if they come in and eat the babies??"

"Would you like me to turn on your music?  Would that make you feel better?"

"But they might hear it...and want to come in and have a dance party!!"

We are at a loss about what to do about these monsters.  The "they do not exist" route is not working.  The "guard kitty" (her huge stuffed tiger) route is not working.  I thought about "monster spray"...but I wanted to stay firm with the "they do not exist" theory...but I might have to give up and give it a try.  I do believe it worked with a younger Jaylond. 

I did tell her that I was right in the other room...that I would never let anything happen to her...but she informed me that there would be no way I could outrun a monster.  "Mommies can't run."

I attempted to cut Connor's hair the other day, to save some money....it did not go well.  Perhaps I should tell her that, see, the monsters are actually nice...they tried to give her brother a haircut...

I'm thinking we need to lay off of some of the Scooby-Doo...and movies like Monsters, Inc.  And that Dora chick...she looks kind of monster-ish with her huge oblong head. 

Oh, and no more feeding the boys after midnight...