Morning Madness

Today is not going well. 

No amount of coffee can cure a morning of pure madness.   I know, because I have already downed half a pot.  So far, Connor alone has hurdled himself over the side of the bathtub...leaving himself a nice red bump on the head, pulled the cat across the kitchen...by the tail, smacked his brother with his older sister's Tinkerbell shoe, and thrown his toothbrush into the trash. 

My toddler, missing a shoe, is dressed as Tinkerbell...dress, wings, and a fuzzy green headband that I do not remember Tinkerbell ever wearing, but apparently is the most important part of the costume.  She is sitting at the table, legs swinging, as she eats her oatmeal with blueberries.  In one of my better moments, I tell her she should probably remove the costume while she eats, just in case. 

You see...in this house...there is never really "just in case."  It is, almost always, a given that there will be a case. 

She takes the dress off, and sits back down in her underwear to resume eating.  I begin to smell something....and realize Owen desperately needs a diaper change.  Now, while I had the foresight to remove the Tinkerbell costume...I did not think to bring Connor out to the living room with me, and close the gate so that he did not have access to his sister while I changed his brother.

"Mommy....Connor's doing bad things..."

((sigh))

"Ok...just a minute....I'm almost done...." I have a boy half naked with stuff on his bum that could not go ignored at the moment.

"MOMMY!!!!!" 

A blood curdling scream. 

I run out to the kitchen to find Connor sitting on top of the dining room table, with a huge grin, and my toddler, eyes as big as saucers....covered in oatmeal and blueberries.  The bowl was spinning on the floor. 

This was all before noon. 

My husband had once mentioned, due to the fact that Google says I am no longer allowed to make money off of my blog (apparently the measely change I had made was "too much,") that we should add an option for those who enjoyed the blog to donate to his PayPal account.  I told him this was absolutely absurd. 

I would much rather have people donate beer.  To our doorstep. 

Anyone who is interested may send beer, in care of  Maureen Sawdon, Desperate Mommy, to our address. 

Thank You.


Disclaimer:  The author of this blog is not actually soliciting donations of alcohol; she is merely making lame attempts at using sarcasm.  However, any actual donations will not be denied, and would be greatly appreciated.